Frequently I find myself in the position of being the Bank of Dad for my kids and grandkids. Of course, I am pleased that members of my tribe know that they can turn to me in their times of need, and generally I view financing their endeavors as a good investment. Yet I am sometimes unsure about this role – what and when to give as well as how much and what strings I could or should attach to the “loans.”
At the same time, I want my family members to learn to rely on themselves and experience the struggles as well as the accomplishments of becoming self-supporting, self-sustaining individuals. I want them to appreciate the value of money – and the value of relationships without the distraction of money.
Thus I find myself in the awkward position of deciding to say no to a granddaughter’s request for a mobile phone after hers was stolen, but yes to a grandson’s request for a new game. Yes to an appeal from one son to tide him over during a relocation caused by job change, but no to request from another son who wants to relocate to another city just to get a “fresh start.” Yes to on-going support during college, yet no to funding a frivolous trip to Las Vegas.
It’s always a dilemma in that I want the very best for each and every one of them. But I know that everyone earns the life they live. It’s not something that can be given and should never be taken for granted. Ultimately, it is the things we work hardest for that have the most value.
It’s not easy being the Bank of Dad – or even being plain old Dad.
